did my homework tonight.  my boy would be proud.

i feel like i'm doing this whole teenage year era half-ass. i need to live it up hardcore which basically means i'll stay out 10 minutes past my oh-so-late curfew of 9:30. yep, jessica brown is a rebel...a lumptious rebel. rawrrr

Dear Mom and Dad,

      I'm not sorry I'm not the prettiest or the thinnest girl; believe it or not, I'm still beautiful. I'm not sorry I listen to music that you find to be degrading and hurtful. Hmmm....so telling me that I'm dramatic and I'll never make it on my own isn't hurtful, telling me I'm a bad kid isn't hurtful, and telling me I'm disgusting---all of these things aren't negative, yet heaven forbid I listen to a *gasp* rap song. If I'm not mistaken, dear old Dad has an Eminem cd. Yep, I am talking about a 41 year old caucasian male. And Mother, if I die from anything anytime soon, it'll be from your constant nagging and constant apparent disapproval of my choices. I'm not sorry for the choices I make, and I'm not sorry that you don't like me. If I disappoint you, that's your own damn fault because no one is fucking perfect, and you two should know that. I'll never make the mistakes that you so foolishly made; I'll make my own stupid ass ones that everyone else can see from a mile away, but I won't. I'm going to be somebody someday, and when I have kids, you won't see them. I won't ever expose someone I care about to half of the pain and stress you've put me through. My children won't suffer; they won't be told that a dream is too far fetched or unrealistic. Remember Mom when I said I wanted to be a writer or an SNL cast member? What did you say Mom, huh? "A nurse is more practical" I'm not you. I'm not. I never will be that cold and heartless. I'm going to do the things I've always dreamed of. I'll travel to Rome if I want to, and speak different languages. I will be proud of every last drop of blood in my veins even when given the chance to talk shit about whatever it is. I won't be ashamed of myself. Please, just understand that when I do have my own life. You won't be a part of it. Because you only want to bring me down, even if you love me, that is what you do.

I love Erin Chapman.

My personal life will stay personal.

End of story.

MERRY it's half past nine and my christmas eve has yet to impress me. i'm trying to be in denial about being in love, and it's not working out too well. the one person i desperately want to forget won't let me forget them. why oh why must i be perfectly emo on such a beautiful night. i can't be sad when tomorrow is another day. tomorrow, tomorrow.....(i need not finish my rendition of the classic annie song, shall i?) oh, well. and you can't hurry love...damn it. too many of my thoughts are song lyrics. maybe i just have no thoughts at all.CHRISTMAS

yeah, i'm ghetto.